How Dubya got his groove back.

You couldn't have staged this more comical:



"Yeah, bonding with these fine, african people. I call this move 'The Katrina'. See, I'm a uniter, not a divider."

Six Years of Segway

Here ya go Homunculus. Segway sucks.


In The Know: Life Before The Segway

I got your zero gravity right here

This fool be going on one of those anti-gravity flights where they fly a plane up and down a fuckload.

I'm sure they'll have to hose all the piss, shit, and puke off of him once the flight is over, due to him having no control and his bones being fused together.

Come to think of it, if they don't have a suction tube in his mouth the whole time for puke, the motherfucker will die.

Lets wish this nigger luck. This tard has done more than any of us regular so-called non-tards. I'll tell you if I was in his condition I would be typing over and over: "CONNECT THE FUCKING SERIAL PORT OF THIS MOTHERFUCKER TO THAT SHIT KOVORKIAN BUILT AND BRING IT HERE, NOW!!!, GODAMMIT NOW!!!" Select-all Copy Paste Paste Paste Paste....

I'm sure he has them setup a special mirror so he can see himself jizz on a hookers' face/tits/poon but goddamn... bones... fused... together... at least the ho has to do all the work.

Update: Here day go:

So I guess the black one is less fun to play with?

VP Impeacher will be doing ass-to-mouth with facial to his hot ass wife tonight.

Seriously Dennis, we need a leaked sex tape. Pronto.

Impeachment Articles (Warning:PDF)

Watch midgets throw plates at an out of control car

Orange and Maroon urine means you've got an infection.

Here's something to remind you of the good asians out there:



Good to humans, not kittens, of course.

Things get a little hokey(ie) out there in Blacksburg. (The media is going to hell)

"Point as for removal of cartridge round cleanly, fire only for intention of action definite. Avoid shooting in fashion columbine-like. Always to clean for accurate but not for children as accident can occur. In case of use, life will accept worse change. #13 always pork fried rice."

- Get it... he's ASIAN... Manuals for shit made in China/Korea?... Engrish?... Anyone?

Peep dis slant-eyed faggot:



The real tragedy is smart kids were being shot. Why couldn't it have been the jocks? Shooter was asian, and I guess you kill what's around you. He did beat the Columbine record... a true "college-level" school shooting.

I don't know, I just might try and go back to college, seeing as how "at least 32" more slots for admission have just opened up. An old fuck like me might not be able to dodge bullets as good as the younger set, but I would sure try and fuck an asian's girlfriend. Might be worth the ensuing rampage of a disgruntled boyfriend to "rock the yellow". I hear they are loud as shit if you slide them "at least" a 3-inch dick or better.

If this was a Fark post:
/One ticket please
//Window Seat, exit row


Sickest thing of all is if this happened a week ago, Imus would still have a job.

Update:

As if it couldn't get any worse:
Jack Thompson just blamed the shootings on video games.

Nancy Grace just came in her panties.

Update 2:

NBC slapped together a special "NBC Dateline" real quick live from Blacksburg. They just aired it. Hosted by Brian Williams and Matt Lauer.

CNN has a special "Anderson 360" "Virginia Tech Massacre" PODCAST...

I didn't even look at Fox News...

Imus might get his job back yet.

Update 3:

The media is now going with "33 including shooter" instead of "at least 32". Guess they are confident more wounded will not die. Or maybe they were tired of the number not changing

The "Today Show" was broadcast live from Blacksburg this morning.



Final Update:

Toned much of this shit down a few notches, tightened the jokes.

Too much explosives

Wierd.

Let it be known, this NNTPnegro did not write the following douchedribble:

By now I'm sure you're familiar with the age-old adage, "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten." When my doctor said this to me the other day, it made me think: can the statement really be true? Although the idiom implies a causal link, let's take it at face value and assume that it is merely observing a correlation between the kitten mortality rate and the masturbation rate. Does such a correlation exist?

Approximately 70,000 dogs and cats are born in the U.S. each day, or 25,567,500 each year. Of these, roughly 54%, or 13,806,450, are cats. Since 34.5% of cats don't live to see their first birthday, we can assume that about 4,763,225 kittens die each year in the United States alone. We'll take for granted that God in His divine Wisdom purposely smote each of these kittens.

Let's assume that the idiom is talking only about male masturbation. Let's further assume, highly conservatively, that males do not start masturbating until they reach age 15. Of the total U.S. male population, 107,199,356 would then be masturbation-age males. Again, let's conservatively estimate that teenagers masturbate no more frequently than adults, and that all men masturbate an average of 20 times each month or 240 times per year. This means that each man in the United States masturbates approximately every 1.5 days. It also means that there are approximately 25,727,845,440 male masturbation sessions in the United States each year.

There are nearly 26 billion male masturbation sessions in the U.S., yet there are fewer than five million kitten deaths annually. Far from a one-to-one correlation, there are 5401.5 masturbation sessions for every single kitten death. This means that the average American man can masturbate regularly for 22.5 years before he is responsible for the death of a single kitten. Indeed, with a life expectancy of less than 75 years, the average man will be responsible for only two or three kitten deaths in a lifetime of vigorous masturbation.

*Edit 2 (Edit 1 is the title)* - Link to Original, has some link goodness throughout(wiki and such) and the comments are pretty funny.

Internet Classics Series

Everyone should watch this from time to time. Plenty of nappy headed ignorance.

WTF?

The Muppets do Fuck the Police

Goes together pretty good...

Family Entertainment

I love the title of the song.

Suck on my smug...

So proud... had to do it... go ahead, call me gay...

Piss

PG 300

Family Friendy 300 for those who missed it...

Not CGI

Ferrofluids are a unique class of material. A ferrofluid is a stable colloidal suspension of sub-domain magnetic nano particles in a liquid carrier. The particles, which have an average size of about 100Å (10 nm), are coated with a stabilizing dispersing agent (surfactant) which prevents particle agglomeration even when a strong magnetic field gradient is applied to the ferrofluid.

Nappy is a "N" word too

Remember kids, only white people can be considered racist.

Link to Rap lyrics

Is it all wehhh?!?!?

Lets take a break for a minute to prey.

Nappy headed hoes

Dis bitch is crazy

Check it... Scary...

THERE... ARE... FOUR... LIGHTS!

Frontier Psychiatrist

Congratulations to Larry Birkhead, winner of the 2007 Anna Nicole Smith Vaginal Dumpster Invitational!!!

Welcome to "Would you like a sandwich?"

Pissing all over the blog shit again. Lets see if I can update the fucker at a regular pace. Bitch