DNC wrapup/McCain VP WYLAS Team Coverage for that ass, bitch... and other such slang terms...

(don't miss the post under this one for our Senior Vaginal Correspondent, Homunculus H. Fondle's, McCain VP pick in-depth piss-on-location a.k.a. "right up on that piece" report)

Now, People of Earf, meet the next HNIC...

Here's how the shit went down...

Day One:

The new "next first lady" ingests the blood and urine of Whoopi Goldberg in order to channel the rotting soul of Jackie Kennedy "Ghost"-style in an over-the-top, American dream story that is just so fucking great, the whole world gave her virtual bukkake...

Now if you could have just shut the fucking kids up while daddy's on satellite. Daddy didn't pay for this "stay with this wholesome white American family" sat-link PR stunt for our 5-year old to shout "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy" into the open mic you gave her...

Day Two:

That bitch(you know the one) came back, to endorse the Obamster, and you could still smell her fake. The people who follow her slime without question, masturbated to her verbal vomit, and still rejected it as bullshit. Those people just can't let it the fuck go, and neither can she. You know she cries herself to sleep every night now, I believe what we truly have here is a real life "Tracy Flick".

That's OK, if you ask nicely, maybe you can get your secret service escorts to fuck you in all holes at the same time, while the star-spangled-banner plays. That should be about the same as if you were president, except these cocks don't belong to the owners of multinational corporations, and their jizz doesn't cure AIDS(that right, if you own a multinational corporation, your jizz cures AIDS). I know you were looking forward to that upper-quality dick, but the Secret Service should be a decent substitute for now until you fly your ass back to DC and have to settle again for those dirty lobbyist's cum.


Day Three:

A quote from Joe Biden(not from this day's speech) - "Rudy Giuliani... I mean, think about it! Rudy Giuliani. There's only three things he mentions in a sentence -- a noun, a verb, and 9/11. There's nothing else! There's nothing else! And I mean this sincerely. He's genuinely not qualified to be president."

- Other than this, I know fuck all about this guy, but if he's this kind of asshole, he's OK in my book.


Day Four:

The man with the plan. Great speech, and if you could actually deliver on any of it that would be great. However, no president can do that. The entire system is fucking broken, and there hasn't been a chance of your little American dream in 30 fucking years.

Here's my idea... Let's instead just carpet nuke the entire middle east and drill for oil in air-conditioned radiation suits. Yeah, I said it.

At least then I can still be working on getting as fat as fucking possible, driving around the smooth, paved roads of suburbia in my 4-Wheel Drive SUV, while my 3 fat dumb-ass ADHD children chug cola and eat chips in the back while watching a DVD. I can keep mentally jerking off to the fact that they are building a new mini-mall every two years closer and closer, selling all the latest bullshit shipped in from China and feeding me food shipped around by SYSCO, served at restaurant franchises that feature old licence plates and coke ads on the walls. I can keep looking forward to when they will ramp up more manufacturing and shipping of Cialis and Lipitor from China, so it will be so cheap I can then maintain a low dose of it in my bloodstream at all times, so I can still manage to fuck my big fat nasty wife despite the nausea from everything about her, and not keel over from a heart attack. This is the new american dream, get it right, Hussein-boy.

Bottom Line: If you can do one thing for me Obama, LEGALIZE WEED. Really, if you could manage just this one little thing. If you don't then what they say is right and YOU REALLY AREN'T BLACK ENOUGH...


Day Five:

There is no DNC day five, but McCain just us threw a curve ball.

I... smell... PUSSY...

I imagine Hillary is feeling pretty fucking stupid right now for splitting the party. She dug up a lot of women that will vote for a woman because its a woman. McCain may actually be able to pull some votes with this move, and even though Sarah Palin is heterosexual, she is gearing up to send full-color, high-resolution shots of her vagina to Clinton supporters to make up for that. Some of these shots will have a solid color background, making easy Chromakey photoshops for whatever fantasy they see fit. That said, Obama should still pound McCain in the debates. I say should, because Bush was able to counter Gore's intelligence with "Fuzzy Math"-type comments, and the voting retards of this country ate that shit up well enough to make the 2000 election close enough to steal.

FOR MORE IN-DEPTH ON THIS BITCH, CHECK HOMUNCULUS' POST THAT PRECEDES THIS ONE...

She's actually kind of hot, I'd hit it. You know she's got to do some real fucked up deprived shit in bed running on the same Neo-con ticket as McCain. You know, like she likes to get fucked missionary-style with the lights off, using no birth control, and only after marriage...



we will be back for the RNC as I am sure those fucktards will shit all over themselves as well...


Now.....

I also found these in various DNC FARK threads, they seem to cross the line for some reason:

Are You Ready For Your Cumshot, Mrs. Vice-President?

This morning it was announced that the crusty, skin cancer-laden senator from Arizona, John McCain, chose Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, a fiesty, slim, anti-abortionist hockey mom cuntbag as his running mate. Apparently, she gave a better under-the-table blowjob than Tom Ridge. According to sources, Senator Pawlenty missed out because he did not adequately stroke McCain's hoary, veined ballsack with as much aplomb prior to ejaculation.

President Bush complimented McCain for "an exciting decision, to hire a bitch with five kids who has absolutely no foreign affairs experience, save whoring herself out to trans-Siberian Inuit hunters."

"Governor Palin is a proven cockhogger who is a wise steward of taxmaker jism and champion for accountability in the dildo and erotic toy markets," a presidential statement said. "By selecting a working mother with a track record of sleeping around, Senator McCain has once again demonstrated his commitment to reforming Washington."

At 44, she is younger than two of McCain's seven children. That also means she was at one time fingered by her barely post-pubescent boyfriend in the dark corner of a movie theatre in Anchorage that was screening the film, "Star Wars" in 1977. I'm not sure what that has to do with the upcoming election, I just surmise that it was her first experience with full penetration. McCain's camp therefore believes she should be prepared, after so many years being raped by forlorn Eskimos in rustic sweat lodges and salmon shacks, for Obama's giant black cock.

Lesbian conservatives rejoiced that McCain chose a running mate who would both exemplify their cause and pray for them to rot in Hell. Fetuses in zygote stage rejoiced that they would not only escape being aborted under her tyrannical rule, but there would be no chance of being adopted by lesbians.

2008 Olympic post-cleanup premium paper towel w/Aloe

OK, time to clean yourself up. Between Nastia, Beach Volleyball, and the Polish Indoor Volleyball team, you know you need to. Actually, I didn't watch much of the rest of the shit (besides rhythmic gymnastics and diving), and if it wasn't women I glossed right over it.

Let's take a quick moment to look back...

You know Nastia is all kinds of tight, slick goodness, but her dad would kick your fucking ass to the ground and beat you where you lie until you choke on your own blood(but props to the pops for the whole "Fuck the cunt of Russia" immigration to the US so she has nice teeth):

Let us not forget all those beach asses(I cannot stress this enough). I can only imagine how the ratings dropped off after the gold medal match was played in this, we just need to get them to drink more non-organic American milk with that rBGH to grow those tits in time for London:

...and of course, the Polish Indoor Volleyball team. The hottest team there. Too bad they got their asses handed to them by the Cubans very early. Plus, to see them you had to be up at 2:00am(fuck you N B C!). I offered via e-mail to comfort them all in person for their loss, individually or all at the same time, sadly though, they wouldn't cover my plane ticket, and I wasn't going to pay for one without written guarantees of penetration. (though it may have been because my direct cut and paste from Google Translate didn't properly convey the overall mood of the message. At least they can't issue a international restraining order through INTERPOL, can they?)

Now there were some that could dig on this, but that was not for me, she looks like a fucking midget elf tranny, plus who knows how much it would take to buy off Dateline N B C if you tried to hit that shit:

As for the closing piss, shit was yet again crazy as fuck, just not the complete crazy kick-ass of the opening with its historical "Curse of the Golden Flower"/"Lust..Caution"/etc. goodness(plus the coverage this time really sucked ass, big time, on the order of a chunky orally-siphoned colonic):


They did tack on some "Operation Condor"/"Mr. Nice Guy" later, due to the presence of none other than Jackie Fucking Chan(If you can even fucking see him in this picture, I'll give you a couple of billion guesses, hint: he's the chinaman with black hair):
Too bad this time he was just singing and not kicking ass. I did laugh my ass off though:
So, peace out China. I look forward to someday visit your country and sample your hookers.

Now, The next world crap-smearing-fest will be in London, so the UK did a London presentation/performance which was so fucking lame and stupid, it was almost like we here in America had something to do with it. I mean it was Superbowl half-time retarded with a Euro-MTV ejaculation. Witness this single framegrab, and wonder "just what brand of horrid shite have these cunts spat up our arses, I mean, for fuck's sake?"

Now piss on some leftovers:



"In the cornhole..."

Piss...




Oh, and again finally FUCK THIS GUY...

...and now back to our regularly scheduled piss to resume with Michelle Obama slurping Joe Biden's load back here in the good ol' United "Under God"^TM Corporate States of Freedom.

Olympic Pic Update #1 + Your milkshake brings all the tards to the yard...

The above pic is so good I will use the next pic to describe it:

Now more shit:




and now the regularly scheduled retardedness:

I got your fucking Olympics right fucking here-

OK, so the fucking Olympics are upon us, and this time it's a fucking asian goo-fest with a side injection of avian flu. Those Chinese sure can build a fucking jizm-lined birds-nest for an ass-kicking "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"/"House of Flying Daggers"/"Memoirs of a Geisha" etc. opening ceremony. They just can't build schoolhouses that don't fall down in a fucking earthquake. Oh, did your only kid die because we wouldn't let you have any more? Lucky you! You have a free wavier now to "fuck to creampie" and harvest a replacement crotchfruit. Oh, and a bonus $8,000 if you sign this paper promising not to protest when your grief turns to anger.(no joke) Anyway...

How bout those drums...apparently the designs for which were "just recently"(2004) found during the rush to excavate "history" from millions of acres of ancient lands, which were going to be soon destroyed by water from their brand new Three Gorges Dam, when it finishes creating it's version of "Lake Mead". Gotta love a creative world showcase of a symbol of the forced re-location of self-sustaining villages to government housing. Plus, I'll bet this was all sync'ed up using computer-controlled electrodes to the nuts:

I wonder just how many hours in a bamboo cage it took to condition these motherfuckers to stand in concentric circles and do synchronized martial arts:

Awww... Too bad about that blue-screen-of-death that sat there for over an hour on the projector right below the torch. I guess Bill Gates was too busy getting a blow job from Melinda while sitting next to the president, and feeling some Bush daughter tits to grab an official and explain what a IRQ_NOT_LESS_OR_EQUAL stop error means:

Now, as far as the only other shit worth watching on the literally 6 fucking HD stations covering this shit:

Sweaty, Sandy, Beach ASSES um..Volleyball
in
H fucking D


THIS SHIT...

IS...
FUCKING... ENTERTAINING...
Even the President agrees...
Now, this is one women's event where even the best athletes, STILL LOOK LIKE WOMEN. the only retardedness of it, 9 times out of 10, ZERO TITS!
I mean, if I wanted to watch skinny women with no tits all the time, I would go hang out with Pedobear and Chris Hansen over at the Women's Gymnastics events. (but then i'd have to also be into barely pubescent girls with extremely broad shoulders)

But wait... there's hope. The fresh new China team trained in southern California...
(relatively big)TITS! ...and her whole body glistened with oil throughout that match...

See, although in person I would penetrate virtually any one of these volleyball women balls deep instantly at their slightest request, never underestimate the importance of tits. Even when staring at skinny, sweaty women with the most perfect asses ever, tits can make up even more for the whole TV/Computer screen deal. Case in point:
A damn powerful thing indeed. In many a case, great tits can also make up for some pretty fat fucking asses, and if they're nice enough, some busted-ass faces too.

Now, Beijing knows this, and so there is a special group of cock teasing dancing sluts that jiggle around every couple of points to keep you hard:

IT'S JUST TOO... FUCKING... BAD...

THEY DON'T FUCKING SHOW THEM ON TV!FOR FUCK'S SAKE, THE BROADCAST NETWORKS IN THE U.S. ARE EITHER RUN BY A BUNCH OF FAGS, OR PEOPLE THAT ABSORB RECTALLY GROUND UP COPIES OF THE BIBLE ALL DAY...

THEY ALWAYS CUT THE SHOTS EARLY, PAN AROUND THEM ETC...

But Still...
That's right Xue Chen, hug Zhang Xi a little more. Now smack her ass. Again... Again... Again...

NICE




In all seriousness though, who gives a fuck... Pissssssss...




P.S. - FUCK THIS GUY
By the way Mike - Just remember when you're about to fuck the first of many Chinese bitches over there after you're done winning the most gold medals of all time, their vaginas go up and down like all the rest, not left to right like you may have heard. You should wear all those medals while you fuck them doggy, and smack them against their asses, just an idea...(just make sure to wrap them and your dick in condoms)

Oh, and did anyone mention just how fucking PROUD we are of ya?

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All photos obtained from N B C, Gizmodo, or Fark, claiming Fair-Use for the purpose of satire (like that matters). This website makes no money from ads or otherwise. Please visit the source sites for a much better, serious presentation of these and many more photos. If you experience an erection lasting for more than 4 hours, notify your doctor(or jerk off more). Women who are pregnant, or who may become pregnant should not read WYLAS due to risk of a specific birth defect. This defect more common in african-americans.

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Bonus - classic CKY2K Chinese rap to round out the post: