Quick Pre-Turkey shit

Lazy Town featuring Lil Jon

Shit is pretty dirty, had me LMAO

Another Urinal Cake for Secretary of State Hillary's vagina to "kegel-squeeze" and "queef-spit" the saturated piss onto the new Obama Puppy

Welcome google searchers reaching a page that doesn't come anywhere near what you wanted due to the title of this post.

BREAKING (balls) NEWS

"Tard Orgy: Cum Inside, We're Sterile!" (Coming December 2026) starring Trig "Moosecock" Palin... Also, HOW-TO Cisco Certify Your Cock

Cock Networking 101 (as near as I can figure)


1. The human cell contains 715 MB of genetic information
2. A sperm is half of that, so 358 MB.
3. In a milliliter of ejaculate, there are on average 20 million sperm.
4. One ejaculation releases 2.25 ml on average in roughly 5 seconds.

Using this we can now compute the bandwidth of the average human cock as:

(358MB x 20M x 2.25)/5 = (366,798,208 bytes/sperm x 20,000,000 sperm/ml x 2.25 ml) / 5 seconds = 3,301,183,872,000,000 bytes/sec =

3.3 PetaBytes/sec (that's the one after Tera(which is the one after Giga) for you n00bs)

Now, we all know that bandwidth you get from the Cable Co. or DSL is measured in bits, not Bytes so that would be:

26,409,470,976,000,000 bits/sec, or 26.4 Petabits/sec

by comparison, Cox Cable's best service offers 15Megabits/sec downstream. So my cock's throughput is roughly 1,760,631,398 times better, in other words, it's one hell of a wide pipe.

The immediate downside to cock/jizz as a transmission medium is that it is not capable of TCP/IP, so it's a no-go for direct communication with the internet. It seems to communicate in a unidirectional "burst multicast" communications mode only, using a UDP-like protocol (data is not resent if packets are lost). It does have a very large frame size of 358MB, but all the packets are duplicates. Also, the connection is so unreliable, even though the receiving network is literally flooded with load of packets a few minutes after connection handshake, in the best of conditions, only one out of 20 million reach the remote host. There is also a possibility of data corruption, as there is no parity or CRC check, and possible protocol-unsupported reverse communication of malicious code, which can result in discoloration and infection of the physical interface itself and/or suppression/disabling of the local machine's anti-virus software.

Side Note: When the World Wide Web started and NCSA Mosaic(first web browser) began supporting image files, it was found possible for the cock to interface indirectly with the TCP/IP-based internet through other peripherals connected to the local machine(eyes, hand). In tests you yourself can perform at home, amateur researchers were able to achieve "false handshakes" resulting in a "burst communication" without a "cock/jizz native remote network" physically present. This method became known as establishing a "False Access Point" or "Fapping" for short.

Much data has been lost since...


Now pics:














I think I may have posted some of these pics before. I don't fucking know. Piss.

Regarding the Cock Networking, it is inspired by a much, much smaller post on /b/ that just had the first calculation and no other text right by a picture of jizz on a hand. A good start, but the numbers he based if off of were all wrong, so I did a quick Google for much better info from the genome project, and added the retard quick conversion to bits from bytes, the bandwidth comparison, and the transmission medium downside discussion. I may do a 201 at a later date that has the OSI Model fully interpreted in the same fashion if I read this at that later date and still find it funny.

This is the deal, Mr. Obamasauce wif a side of Hussein:

Here is your to-do list:

a.k.a. Shit that you should do, but won't...

1. Get rid of the The Patriot Act. There is nothing patriotic about "1984". Existing law provides for more than enough ability to keep us safe, it just requires going through proper legal channels on the domestic front. Let this expire or draft a bill to void it out immediately. (See: Unconstitutional (2004))

2. Ban Signing Statements used as Line-Item Veto: If congress overturns your veto, you can't just still "mark out" areas of the bill you won't follow. You are not the legislative branch. Null out and void George W. Bush's signing statements. (See: Unconstitutional (2004)) UPDATE: This is already illegal, no one enforced it for Bush.

3. Investigate/Prosecute the Bush Administration for any crimes. Plus, have the supreme court examine all pardons issued by W, and deny most. (See: Iraq for Sale: The War Profiteers(2006))

4. Independent Investigation of 9/11, question Bush and Cheney in separate rooms, under oath. Follow the money trail. (See: Zeitgeist: The Movie (2007))

5. Close the "Enron Loophole". Oil went down recently due to speculators exiting the market because of the new extreme volatility. They are the ones that drove the cost up due to supply speculation that was fictional to just line their own pockets. There was talk of doing something when oil was high, but they never actually closed this loophole. They will come back to the game once things stabilize and the oil will become just as high as it was unless we ban them from playing that game. (See: Enron: The smartest guys in the room (2006))

6. Disband Homeland Security, CIA, TSA, FBI etc. Create one agency to replace, remove all redundancies. Limit it's power to protect us, but not have us star in a George Orwell novel. Make it light, efficient, and smart. Screw this vague color coded crap, plastic sheeting and duct tape.

7. Limit Corporate rights. No way should a Corporation have the same rights as a human being. (See: The Corporation (2004))

8. Ban patents on living things. Null out and void such patents which exist today. A corn farmer should not have to prove what kind of corn he is growing (Monsanto or otherwise). This is killing locally grown food here, and around the world (See: The World According to Monsanto (2008), The future of food(2004), The Corporation (2004))

9. Stop this corn ethanol scam. Switchgrass or *GASP*Hemp would make a shitload more plus not fuck with the food supply, require insecticides, or line the pockets of corn patent holders. (See: Hemp Revolution (1995), Who killed the electric car(2006), The World According to Monsanto (2008))

10. Fire everyone at the FDA. They have been puppets since the early 1980's. Re-evaluate Artificial Sweetener, Bovine Growth Hormone, etc. Ban those substances and try to start limiting High Fructose Corn Syrup. Let's add preventing cancer and obesity to the plan for fighting it. (See: The Corporation (2004), Sweet Misery: A Poisoned World (2004)) Watch these documentaries, most people don't know we are being fucked from this angle, and hard.

11. Legalize Marijuana. There is absolutely no way this drug should be in the same class as cocaine, heroin, meth, etc. We spend 86 billion dollars yearly on the area of the "war or drugs", and lock up a bunch of people for nothing. It is not harmful at all, you cannot OD on it, no one gets violent on it, and you can still drive--slower and carefully--(and if you can't you won't since it doesn't over inflate your ego). It is not a gateway drug for users, only dealers. Keeping this illegal is detrimental to the entire "war on drugs". No dealer starts out dealing the hard stuff, they deal pot. They then realize the other stuff is worth more "per ounce", and that it's all "just as illegal" so they start dealing that. Making pot legal thereby would make the harder stuff less widely distributed and strategically narrow the "war on drugs" focus to a more manageable target. It would also strengthen programs like D.A.R.E. which are introduced shortly after a child has been told that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy are not real. They then already suspect adults are full of crap, and when they try their first joint in middle school and it really isn’t a big deal, what do you think their opinion of the other drugs is going to be, they are now open to trying anything due to the load of crap they were fed. (See: Hemp Revolution (1995), Also, your own common sense)

12. No more multi-national, multi-faceted corporations giving us our news. Require news organizations to be separate from corporations that have a stake in anything unrelated to the collection and reporting of news. Plus, jail time for knowingly reporting lies. (See: Outfoxed: Murdoch's War on Journalism(2004))

13. Subsidize Abortion to make it free. Legalize Euthanasia/Assisted Suicide for the terminally ill. Tax Credits as well for engaging in both.

14. Let queers marry. Who cares? Yeah it's gross(except for hot lesbians), but you arn't the one doing it. They were born that way, its just another kind of retardation(again, hot lesbians exempt). It's not like marriage means anything anymore anyway. BONUS: With marriage then being gender-independent, all divorce laws we have to be reformed, so eventually you could actually get divorced and not have to give the bitch anything unless a child is involved. Some would argue that would strengthen marriage and make it more honest when there is no guaranteed payday when shit hits the fan.

15. Ban forever anything from a science class that is not science... Period... While you are at it, go ahead and extend the ban on religion classes in public schools to include private schools receiving any money at all from the government. (See: Nova: Intelligent Design on Trial (2007))

16. Invest like crazy into alternative fuel. Geothermal, Solar, Wind, Tidal. In that order. Do what the Chinese are trying to do, go to the moon to collect Helium-3, you know, the shit that makes Fusion reactors actually power shit other than the reaction itself. That's right, this is why China is doing the space thing. Subsidize kits currently available for cars to change all the seals and gaskets, allowing them to run off pure ethanol as well as gas. Do the same for the kits to switch your car to natural gas. Educate people that it will be a combination of things, not a one-shot solution. Do not be bound by the existing energy industry's need to conform a new energy source into the current delivery infrastructure. Raid the patent office for things owned by the energy companies that show promise, but were bought and buried to further the fossil fuel agenda. (See: An Inconvenient Truth (2006), A crude awakening: The Oil Crash(2006), The end of suburbia(2004)).

17. Get the hell out of Iraq. Annihilate Afghanistan and get the hell out of there too. Screw all those people.

18. Stop the wasteful suburb and mini-mall culture. Promote public transportation with tax credits. Promote building up not sideways. Restrict driving: Raise the driving age to 18. Require intense, expensive, standardized training and testing for a year before a drivers license is issued. 40,000 people die every year on the road, lets fix that and the traffic problem. Promote locally grown food, living closer to work, etc.. (See: An Inconvenient Truth (2006), A crude awakening: The Oil Crash(2006), The end of suburbia(2004)).

19. Dismantle the Police State: Raise the Legal Limit for alcohol to a reasonable level, new test method to allow for factoring in weight. Ban the tazer and similar devices. Remove "Free Speech Zones" and allow people to protest wherever. Restore Habeas Corpus, ban no-knock warrants, etc... you know, make it a free country again. (See: America: Freedom to Fascism(2006))

Other shit I’d like to see (but will never, ever, ever, happen):

1. Remove "under god" from the pledge of allegiance. It's only been there since 1954. Give it up. Freedom of Religion means Freedom FROM Religion too. Kill the "in god we trust" on the money too while you are at it.

2. Tax the shit out of Megachurches. (See: Religilious (2008), as long as we are still doing this craziness, why not get some money from this crap.)

3. Fix our money. Make it based on something, abolish the Federal Reserve.

4. Abolish Income Tax

5. Socialize Health Care(you really think he'll pull it off)

6. Raid and burn the Church of Scientology. Let's have us a Waco, TX part II.

7. Force Microsoft to kill Vista/Server 2008/Windows 7, open source Windows XP.

8. Ban Digital Rights Management.

9. Legalize Prostitution - Just thought I'd throw that out there.

10. Shut down MTV and all networks associated with MTV. Fox News and the E! channel as well. Shut down shows like ET, The Insider, Access Hollywood, and any other retarded shit with no redeeming qualities.

11. Force all the cellular networks to adopt the world standard, GSM. Force unlocked SIM cards. Don't allow charging for text messages, the biggest scam in the world. A full message represents a small fraction of a second's worth of audio in a data packet that doesn't have to arrive at on time like the voice packets. That's free money for those pricks.

12. Stop the "War on Terror" and the "War on Drugs". Start the "War on Stupid". Try to avoid "Idiocracy(2006)"

What did I miss? Watch the documentaries mentioned for more. Then shit bricks.

Need help? Put Ron Paul in your cabinet... This list is just something to think about while you are picking out which color velvet for the seats on Air Force One and placing that large GM order for all the bulletproof Cadillac Escalades.